It’s Friday, a day usually filled with excitement for the weekend, especially when it’s a long weekend. I have much to look forward to this weekend, but for some reason can’t seem to muster a little gumption of excitement. Today, I’m just tired. Tired from a long, hard week. And while there has not been one exceptionally difficult thing, there have been a series of events which have left me drained - physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually.
This week has been riddled with disappointment, anxiety and regret. Disappointment that what was to be is not. Anxiety over what will be. And regret over what has been done. Just to be clear, I am not on the verge of a meltdown. I’m just being real. Life is hard at times.
For example, we are the proud parents of four beautiful children experiencing four different stages in life. One child has entered that dreaded adolescent stage, one who is on the verge and quite emotional at times, one is still adjusting to a new school schedule and a two-year-old who likes to eat out of the trash can and draw on anything but paper. Events of the past few weeks have found me questioning, “Puberty AND the terrible twos??? Oh, Dear Lord, please HELP!!!” It is in this past week that I have realized (as if I hadn’t before) just how difficult parenting can be. And, I know, it doesn’t get better.
Our oldest is one of the sweetest, smartest, most compassionate kids I know. And, he loves his momma! Just yesterday, I took him a sandwich for the bus ride to his Middle School football game. There, in front of all his football player buddies, he hugged and kissed me and told me he loved me. Melt.My.Heart!! It’s moments like those that make nudging him out of the nest a little more difficult. This year has brought about many changes for him - physically, emotionally and mentally. Most changes he has handled with maturity beyond his years. Some changes have been hard lessons - both for him and me.
We’ve always tried to allow our kids some independence. (I don’t think I could ever be accused of being a “helicopter mom”) And, now that our oldest is in Middle School, we are trying to loosen the apron strings just a little more. Several days ago, we allowed him to make a choice that we knew would have consequences. We even warned him of the consequences, but I think he didn’t believe us. He won’t make that mistake again. He discovered that mom and dad were right. And, he had to take responsibility for the choice he had made. Unfortunately, the consequences of that choice had a far reaching effect and he is still struggling with that. As his mom, I so want it to be over. He’s learned his lesson and I can’t stand to see him defeated. I so want to jump in and make it right. I want to go back in time and make the choice for him so he could have avoided heartache. But, I can’t and, really, what would he have learned? I have no doubt that it will all work out in the end. In the meantime, he has learned about personal responsibility. He is learning to “esteem others better than himself” - Philippians 2:8. He is learning that it’s not about him, but about HIM. He’s learning to pray for God’s help and guidance. And, he’s learning to persevere and work hard to make right his mistakes. And, in the end, he’ll be a much better person for it. His dad and I reminded him once that this was his choice - once was enough. Since then, we have been giving him the love and support he needs, encouraging him to persevere.
I hate to see any of my children sad and heartbroken, and I think about how God feels about me. He allows me to make my own choices and my own mistakes. And, while He could swoop in and fix it for me, He knows I would learn NOTHING from that. He allows it to grow my character. He allows it so that I’ll stop focusing on myself and focus on HIM. He allows it so that I’ll lean on Him. He allows it so that, in the end, I am a much better person. He reminds me of the choice I made. Then, forgets as soon as He forgives and showers me with love and support. I have to remind myself that, as much as I love my kids, my Heavenly Father loves me even more. And, it’s that love that keeps me going.
Bring on the weekend!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment